Parenting Our Parents by Jane Wolf Frances

Author:Jane Wolf Frances
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: undefined
Publisher: Rowman & Littlefield Publishers
Published: 2012-09-20T16:00:00+00:00

Their Story—My Mother-in-Law, Evan

When my beloved husband Al died in the late 1970s, I suffered an amazing loss in my life. Fortunately, our sons were incredibly supportive and my career as a high-powered magazine editor was still in high gear back then. My children, who lived all over the country, encouraged me to continue my life, even marry another man two years later. And so I did.

My second husband was an advertising executive that Al and I had known in business for over twenty years. We too had a fine marriage, but after fourteen years, it was cut short when he died in Houston where we’d moved. Dealing with my second widowhood, I returned to New York City shortly thereafter and retired unofficially. I was seventy-nine then.

I traveled to Europe and Asia with women friends whom I had cherished all my life and for a while, that was fascinating. But inevitably, age took its toll and travel became more complicated. Eventually even the pleasure of visiting my two older sons where they lived, far from New York was undermined because of how exhausting the travel had become for me.

Soon thereafter, I also took several falls. One of those required my temporarily living in a home to recuperate fully. My three sons apparently talked together and reached a consensus: because I already needed some help at my own place and because of my advanced age, their mom would need to leave the elegant apartment she cherished. She could either move into a secure senior citizen facility—one that would accommodate her and her priceless architecturally designed modern furniture, paintings, and sculpture—or she could move in with one of them.

Live with my children? No way! I adore them and their families, but living with them in their homes would be trouble and trauma! But could I live in a senior facility full of old folks whom I believed would be standoffish or suspicious of a newcomer or some hot shot “career lady?” No way! Where did those two “options leave me now, I wondered?

The kids persisted, pressing me for a final decision. As I now like to say, I chose the lesser of two evils. While “screaming and kicking,” I opted for a senior facility where I could live in my own apartment with my own things and could eat as many meals as I wished to pay for. In the new facility I could swim, watch movies, and invite my boys and their families to the private dining room for holiday dinners with me. The staff here knows to call up to my apartment if I don’t show up somewhere in the building by 10:30 in the morning. I am independent and my sons feel safe!

To act like the editor I once used to be—and make this long wonderful story shorter—within a month of arriving there, I was asked to manage our facility’s library. That job is something I’ve done and adore doing all these years later. Most importantly within six months

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